All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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