I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
