I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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