This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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