remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
