I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
