He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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