I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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