phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
