I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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