and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
