Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
They have beer where we have blood.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
