It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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