you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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