Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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