And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm too high and old for this...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
