I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
