I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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