Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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