problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
