You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize