through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
