I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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