After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
