I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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