i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
