Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
