I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
