You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
