Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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