i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
