I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
