you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
