I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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