it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
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I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
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