My nipple is on Facebook.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
