There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
