I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
