My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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