We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Pappa wants mamma naked
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why do cheetos always look like penises
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
