Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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