New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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