wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
