just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
