"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
