new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
