...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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