I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
