So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
