at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
