my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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