no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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