I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize