Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
