the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
