i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
