Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
where are my eyebrows?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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