That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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