when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
