Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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