Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
