Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
